New ADHD Med 💊🧠 - Things might be improving ^^

Graaahhh, this past week i’ve been so fucking busy!! Guitar here, bass there, sumbit tickets here, call this person, text that person, research this thing, teach this, im so tired!! >~<

Well at least today, things might be improving for me! For the first time today, I tried vyvanse (Lisdexamfetamine), and i must say so far i’m impressed!! I actually got shit accomplished today! :D

I can’t say what they are for privacy reasons, but I made 3 new websites today, and actually did my job decently well at work today x3. I even came home finished them, and started working on planning for my birthday. I also switched from systemd-boot to GRUB on my Arch linux laptop which was an absolute bitch to figure out, but now i have a funny custom theme when i boot it up nwn. I also switched the wifi backend from iwd to wpa-supplicant which hopefully makes my internet connection on this damn thing far more stable, without it randomly dropping out.

Anyway, the more important thing, this new ADHD med im trying, i just wanna put my thoughts out there so i can refrence it later.

I first took the first dose at 8:45am, and on the drive to work, idk if it was placebo, but i felt a lil more attentive on the road. While at work, at like 10-10:30, motivation hit me and i knew that this new feeling isnt placebo.

Over the next few hours, I noticed i started to feel different, my body starting feeling a little jittery, as if I drank 200-300mg of caffine. Noticable, but not intrusive. Whenever i’m jittery like that in general, it makes me feel like not laying down. I also felt a very subtle sence of peace and contentment, mabey euphoria?? It was so subtle i had to focus to feel it, but it was definitely there. Again, idk if this is because i was happy the drug was working, or if it was the drug itself, but it was nice! I felt the urge to go get up and do something, i felt discouraged to simply lay idle and doom scroll like i normally do. Yknow that feeling when youre really locked in on finishing an essay or something? Like, you get a notification on your phone and instead of checking it and opening tik tok like you normally do, your natural instinct is to check ur phone for 5 seconds, and immediately put it down because you feel this urge to finish up the essay. You’d rather finish now than even spare 5 minutes to take a break. I had THAT feeling all day, only instead of an essay, it was a website.

Normally for me, getting the urge to START, let alone finish something like that is very fucking rare and unpredictable. These last few weeks if im not working or if i have down time, im just on my phone on youtube laying down.

Around 6:00pm-ish, i had this wicked headace and I started feeling fluish and miserable, not wanting to move around much. I eventually forced myself to get out of bed and eat something, and the symptoms after like 15 minutes went away, so now i know i definitely need to eat something while the medicine is active.

Another thing to note, my depression and suicidal thoughts really took a back burner today. I noticed that in general whenever i’m in a good mood, life seems fun again, and i have the motivation to at least fight for another day. For example in that last blog post, it was just me alone, and my emotional support plushie x3 But at the time i felt accomplished, and even though i know i was still depressed, i knew right then and there, at least for the next few hours, it’ll go away. Same thing this time, those negative thoughts really were on the back burner. The best way i can describe it is like, i pushed the pause button on the negativity. I know that the underlying issues are still there, and that they may one day creep back out, but at least for today, they seem really unimportant. Again, the depression and nihilism is still there, i still need therapy, its just not affecting my mental state right now.

I do wanna note, work was hella busy today, and it was really easy for me to stop one task, switch to another, focus on it, and stay focused until it was done. Like, stop coding the website, go move a desktop to another room, troubleshoot it, then go back to coding. When having to stop coding, i did feel a little bit- angry isnt the word– more like dissatisfied. A very subtle negative feeling, like i really wanted to finish what i was doing. But after like 10 seconds it went away.

Now I know this is only day one of taking vyvanse, so its too early to tell how this will play out long term. But I had such a wonderfully productive day today (in STARK FUCKING CONTRAST to how ive been living these past few months) that I really wanted to jot down my thoughts. Hopefully the next few days to come will be like this, filled with ambition, motivation, and positivity! At this rate, i might not have to shoot myself after all! :D